she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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