Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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