Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
