she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
