I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
