I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
