Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
