k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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