You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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