the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
