So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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