I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
