Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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