Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
