you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
