I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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