im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
