My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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