Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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