Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
