So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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