Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
