When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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