New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize