even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
