Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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