the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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