Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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