I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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