i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
