So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
