And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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