im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my poor anus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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