Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
