I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
