I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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