Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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