I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
