dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
