You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
