Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
