I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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