lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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