i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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