Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
