I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
