Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
