I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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