Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
