first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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