I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
