Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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