He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When did angry sex become our thing?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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