i already hear my dad disowning me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
