He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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