i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
