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Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
