I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
