I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
