This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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