just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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