true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
