My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
