But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.