All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
