hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
