how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
