Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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