Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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