remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
